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Understanding Feedback vs. Projection: A Guide for Women in Leadership



Navigating the terrain of leadership as a woman often means deciphering the feedback you receive—what's meant to help you grow, and what's a reflection of someone else's biases or issues? Recognizing the difference between true feedback and a projection can dramatically affect your leadership effectiveness and personal growth. Here’s how you can identify each and handle projections with grace and assertiveness.


Differentiating True Feedback from Projection


True feedback refers to constructive comments that are intended to provide an objective assessment of behavior or performance, with the aim of fostering improvement or growth.


Characteristics of True Feedback:


  • Specific: It focuses on particular actions or behaviors rather than general traits.

  • Objective: It is based on observable data and is not influenced by personal feelings or biases.

  • Actionable: It provides clear suggestions or steps that the recipient can take to improve.

  • Respectful: It is given in a manner that respects the dignity of the recipient, without demeaning or humiliating them.

  • Timely: It is given at an appropriate time, allowing the recipient to reflect and act upon it.


Projection involves attributing one's own emotions, desires, or inclinations onto another person, often without basis in the other person's actual behavior or words. It is a defense mechanism that people use unconsciously to deal with uncomfortable feelings about themselves.


Characteristics of Projections:


  • Subjective: It stems from the projector’s own feelings, desires, or insecurities and may not be grounded in reality.

  • Defensive: Often serves to protect the projector from acknowledging undesirable aspects of themselves by attributing them to others.

  • Distorting: It can distort the projector’s perception of the other person’s actions or motives.

  • Unsolicited: Usually unsolicited and not aimed at the improvement or benefit of the person being projected upon.

  • Misleading: Can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts as it may not reflect the true characteristics or intentions of the recipient.


Understanding the Difference


  • Intent: True feedback is aimed at improvement and growth, while projection is often a defensive tactic that serves the projector’s emotional needs.

  • Accuracy: Feedback is ideally based on accurate and objective observations, whereas projections are subjective and can be inaccurate.

  • Impact: Feedback, when delivered properly, can be empowering and helpful, enhancing personal and professional growth. Projections can create confusion, miscommunication, and potential conflict, as they may not relate to the recipient’s actual behavior.


True Feedback is constructive and aimed at fostering your development. It's based on observable facts and delivered in a way that respects your dignity and encourages improvement. For example, if a colleague suggests a specific enhancement in your communication style during meetings to aid clarity, that's actionable and intended to support your growth.


A projection, on the other hand, involves someone attributing their own feelings, insecurities, or unresolved issues onto you. It's often defensive, unsolicited, and can be misleading. For instance, a team member saying, “You’re just pushing for this project because you want to show off,” may be projecting their feelings of insecurity or competition.


Steps to Respond, De-escalate, and Recenter After Experiencing a Projection


1. Recognize the Projection The first step is to identify that what you're encountering is a projection. Listen for cues: Is the feedback overly personal? Does it seem to reflect the speaker's feelings or insecurities rather than your actions?


2. Maintain Emotional Distance Once you recognize a projection, try to detach emotionally. Remember, this isn’t about you—it’s about them. Keeping this perspective helps you respond rationally rather than reactively.


3. Respond Calmly and Assertively Address the projection without escalating the situation. If a colleague says, “You’re taking on easy tasks,” respond with, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with your current workload. Let’s look at how we can rebalance the tasks together.” This keeps the focus on solutions, not conflict.


4. Seek Clarification If you're unsure whether a comment is a projection, ask for specific examples and clarification. For instance, “Can you explain what made you feel that way?” This can either lead to a constructive dialogue or reveal the true nature of the comments.


5. Reaffirm Your Truth After the interaction, take time to recenter yourself in your truth and values. Reflect on your strengths and achievements, and consult with trusted mentors or peers if you need a second opinion on the feedback.


6. Set Boundaries If someone repeatedly projects onto you, it might be necessary to set boundaries. Let them know what type of feedback is helpful and what is not acceptable. For example, “I value your input when it's about my work, but personal comments are not helpful to our team’s environment.”


7. Document the Incidents In a professional setting, keeping a record of such interactions can be useful, especially if the behavior becomes a pattern or escalates. This documentation can support you in seeking further action from human resources.


As a leader, developing the ability to discern between true feedback and projections can empower you to focus more on your growth and less on navigating unnecessary drama. It helps create a healthier, more productive work environment for everyone involved. By responding to projections effectively, you not only protect your mental space but also establish a culture of respect and open, constructive communication within your team.

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